Final Fantasy VII Valentine's Day Extrordinaire
by Kaarina Helvete
Summary: There is love in the air! Everyone has a valentine in mind, and they'll do anything to get that very special someone. Well, not ANYTHING, but close to it. There's Cid in it, so there's censured cursing. Beware...


Cloud and Zack: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, AERITH!!!

Aerith: !!! Oh, you two are so sweet, thank you! ^_^

Cloud: Huh?

Zack: You TWO?

They both stare at each other.

Cloud: Hey, I gave her my present first.

Zack: She's MY girlfriend!

Cloud: I don't see your NAME on her!

Aerith: H-hey guys, don't fight--

Zack: Who CARES? What, you want me to TATTOO my name on her?

Cloud: How DARE you even SUGGEST that! I'll kill you! *runs at Zack with a bloodcurtling roar*

Aerith: T_T Please, stop fighting...

Tifa: Oh, don't worry, Cloud will end it fast.

Aerith: I don't know... Zack's pretty strong... He might hurt Cloud!

Cloud: AHHH! That's my HAIR!!!

Zack: Well, it's not MY fault it's just waiting for me to rip it out of your scalp, Chocobo-Butt!

Cloud: Yours is even crazier than mine, Porcupine-face!

Tifa and Aerith: Ooh, harsh.

Tifa: I wish that Cloud would fight like that for ME...

Reno: *extremely drunk* Heeey, I'd fight like that for ya, yo...

Tifa: Oh, save it you childish, womanizing drunk.

Reno: Aww, don't say thaaat... I've alwaysh lik'dja the mosht.

Tifa: O///O R-really? _They say people spill secrets when they're drunk..._

Tseng: Reno, stop fraternizing with women while on duty.

Reno: Come ooon, liven up a lil bit! *hic*

Tseng: I'm perfectly alive right now, thank you.

Elena: Um, Tseng? Can I ask you something?

Tseng: What is it, Elena?

Elena: Well, it's Valentine's Day, and we've been working together for a long time...

Tseng: Yes, we have. Three years to be exact.

Elena: O///O Yeah! We have. Um, well, I was just wondering if, if you, if you would be m-my--

Reno: Juss spit it out, Elena! *hic*

Elena: I want you to be my valentine! _

Tseng: O_O ... Uh, What do you mean by "be my valentine" ...?

Elena: I want you to, uh, be my partner...

Tseng: Aren't we already partners?

Elena: I mean LIFE-PARTNERS! Not just on duty!

Tseng: O///O Um...

Elena: *thrusts a box of chocolates at him* Happy Valentine's Day! *she runs off*

Tseng: O_O *looks at the box in his hands* I don't eat candy... But I may compromise for this occasion. *eats one*

Rude: *happy tears* Elena, I'm so proud. I wish I were as brave as you... *stares at Tifa*

Rufus: Why don't you ask her?

Rude: !!! *startled* Mr. President!

Rufus: Cut the formalities, please. Now, I order you to go propose to your love.

Rude: Ah, I--

Rufus: What is it? Or are you in love with your work?

Rude: I can't, Mr. President.

Rufus: You may not get another chance. Go now.

Rude: ... Very well, Mr. President. *he walks off towards Tifa, very unsteadily*

Rufus: I wonder how it will turn out...

Cid: Well, if it ain't the great president of ShinRa Inc.! And what about you? Do YOU have a valentine this year, sonny?

Shera: Don't taunt people, dear. Come on, let's go...

Cid: Aww, I'm just curious. No harm in that, right?

Rufus: Cid Highwind, it's been a while. As for my personal life it is none of your concern.

Cid: Oh, don't tell me the #$%!&$ President of ShinRa couldn't get a valentine!

Rufus: ... If you must know, I don't have time for consumer holidays.

Cid: Huh?! Is that all you think Valentine's Day is, a #$%!&$ consumer holiday?!

Shera: Honey, please--

Cid: That &$#%&! I should kick his $$!

Shera: Cid!

Cid: Fine...

Denzel: Uh, Marlene?

Marlene: Hmm? Denzel! *hugs*

Denzel: !!! O///O

Marlene: What are you doing here? Did you find a valentine?

Denzel: O///O Uh, not exactly...

Marlene: Oh, that's too bad! Keep looking, okay?

Denzel: W-wait! I, uh...

Marlene: Hmm?

Denzel: I... Happy Valentine's Day! *gives her a flower*

Marlene: *gasp* Denzel! It's so pretty! Thank you so much! *hugs again*

Denzel: _Yes, YES I did it!_

Barret: Hey hey, what's goin' on here?

Marlene: Denzel got me a flower for Valentine's Day, Daddy! Look how pretty it is!

Denzel: O///O Heh...

Barret: Oh really? Hey Denzel, could I talk to you for a bit?

Denzel: Uh, sure... *Marlene's admiring her flower*

Barret: *gets right up in Denzel's face* I don't wanna see you getting so close to Marlene, alright? I don't want you tainting her perfect little mind, you hear?

Denzel: O_O; Yessir!

Good. If I catch you doin' anyth--

Marlene: Denzel, let's go to Tifa's bar together! I bet they're having a party! *grabs his hand*

Denzel: H-huh?

Marlene: Let's go! *they run off*

Barret: ... She's already too far gone T_T

Yuffie: VINNIE!!! Happy Valentine's Day! Teehee, I said "Valentine's" day.

Vincent: Why do you always come after ME?

Yuffie: Because you're the cutest, most handsome man I've ever seen!

Vincent: ... Thank you. Yuffie, there are things you don't know about me--

Yuffie: Like what? Your full name? Middle name? Age? Blood type? Bitrthplace? Birthdate? Parents? Coworkers? Sexual affiliation?

Vincent: N-no, just stop there! Ugh...

Yuffie: Then WHAAAT?

Vincent: *sigh* There's someone I love... well, LOVED...

Yuffie: Loved? Then you don't love them anymore? Then it's okay, right?

Vincent: No! I'm not fully over what happened...

Hojo's voice in Vincent's head: Muahahaha, I totally won, Valentine!

Vincent: !!! O_O

Yuffie: Vinnie?

Hojo: Lucrecia, she's so pretty and strong, isn't she? And I have her! Muahahaha!

Vincent: What the #$%???

Yuffie: Vinnie, what's wrong? You're scaring me!

Vincent: No, no, no... T_T *starts walking away, sulking* The memories... they burrn..

Yuffie: *follows* Vincent! Please, answer me! VINCENT! I'm SORRY! T_T

Sephiroth: I've been waiting for this moment for a long time, mother.

Jenova: Really? How long exactly?

Sephiroth: Time matters not anymore mother, for I've finally found you..

Jenova: ???

Sephiroth: Happy Valentine's Day, my sweet, sweet mother. *hugs the bloody Jenova head*

Jenova: Oh, thank you so much ^_^ You're such a sweet son.

Kadaj: Brother, why does he always hog mother?

Loz: *sniff*

Yazoo: Don't cry, Loz. We'll beat him one day, then take mother for ourselves!

Kadaj: No, mother wouldn't want that! She would hate us for it!

Loz: Well, does that mean we have to wait our turn? *puppy eyes*

Sephiroth just stands there hugging his mommy's head.

Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo: ... *sigh*

Kadaj: That &!#$% is going down one day.

Rufus: *scoffs at them* What are you three still doing here? Still after Jenova's neck?

Kadaj: How dare you! Don't talk about mother that way!

Yazoo: I won't forgive you!

Rufus: Heh, still easy as ever to rile up.

Rude: *walks back, sulking*

Rufus: How did it go?

Rude: I was, rejected... T_T

Rufus: Huh... Did she say why?

Rude: She, she still loves someone else...

Rufus: Strife, correct?

Rude: Yes T_T

Rufus: Ah. Well, no matter. I'm sure you'll find someone sooner or later.

Rude: Thank you, Mr. President.

Jessie: Wow, Denzel and Marlene. Totally didn't see that coming.

Diggs: Are you serious?

Jessie: Of course not! They're perfect for each other!

Diggs: If you say so...

Jessie: Hey...

Diggs: Yeah?

Jessie: Happy Valentine's Day ^_^

Diggs: Heh, I was waiting for you to say that. Here. *hands her a bomb-making kit*

Jessie: Oh, you shouldn't have! *hugs*

Wedge: *teary eyed* This is the best Valentine's Day ever. *hugs his bag of chocolate from Jessie and Diggs*

The End. Or something...


End file.
